101920

What a lovely weekend. Saturday shrooms in the park, where I became my true joyous child-of-the forest self. And found a tree of great majesty and importance just off the path.
It was a great big redwood I think
And it’s lower limbs hung down so that it was like a room underneath it
And there was a bed of needles inside
And I laid down and looked up and the entire trunk was ablaze with the afternoon sun
Just looking up through it for like an hour
And the branches were so sinewy
Like where they met the trunk
And I had a little mantra about it
But I’ll write that down later
mantra.gmi

And then a night. What a night. Everything was joyous because everything was simple. No layers between me and my feelings. Just sat outside feeling full. And then ate thai food and felt full. We wanted for nothing.

Sunday was a walk to the beach. Which seems far but really was just fine. Along the way was a farmers' market, an almond arsicault croissant, and views of beautiful hilly foggy SF. On the way back lay a beautiful beach, a beautiful presidio, and a beautiful garden shop.

I want for nothing. I might need more sleep.

101320

After stressing about my laptop all weekend I just gave up and am sshing into a VPS for work. And now I've written and submitted real code! So they can't fire me just yet.

Went out with Antonio + Juhi friday night in the mission, and it was like maybe the most fun I've had going out. We went to a funny bar that was showing basketball and ordered food with phones– so every time something came it was a surprise since we never ordered from a person. The next place was an outdoor bar where we all got hard kombucha and they played King of Limbs by Radiohead the whole time. Which I hadn't heard since like 10th grade— very funny. I think then we went to go pee and Antonio peed in a corner while I peed through a fence onto someone's garden. The next place was nachos– really tasty and I got to talk about computers with them. It's so fun when people want to hear what I have to say about that kind of thing. Maybe this is actually when we peed idk. The next place was frozen margs from the doorway of some bar. We had like a 15minute conversation with the server (who was trashed) about shoes and skating and margs and tajin and him hating the Haight. Then we walked to mission park and drank our margs and talked about something cool (maybe tripping?). And then we went and saw Antonio's apartment where he's paying like 14 and has a nice room, a great location, and an entire view of downtown from his living room. Crazy nice. I think the most fun part was like bopping around to different places and being drunk on the street. It felt like we were people of SF not people of some bar. Patrons of the city not some random business. Also bopping between diff places kept the conversation fresh and interesting. (maybe?)

On saturday we did some stuff but nothing too out of the ordinary. Skated in GG park (fun!), picnicked with jeff! and some random FOAF girls (fun!), listened to some hard dubstep at darren's (fun!). I missed darren, but I think I agree w juhi that I don't just want to hang at his apt all the time.

Sunday was so fun too. A classic bopping around the sunny haight day. Got fun coffee and art supplies and a gift for mom. Spending money isn't quite fun yet but it's definitely less stressful than it used to be.

And then last night we went to dinner w Seema and it was so nice and relaxed and fun. I'm such a fine dining person now ugh. Also embroidered this shirt a little. It used to be boring but now I think it's cute and fun. Or at least on its way.

Still intimidated by these fabric paints / dyes, maybe should just look up a tutorial.

Louis sent me a free sailboat on craigslist, maybe I should cop. Also decided I want to buy a bunch of trees and plant them in the garden and make it all beautiful and pay for it myself. As a gift to Seema and the house.

100820

Today my work had 'introspection' where we just talked ab what was making us anxious +/ excited at work. funny. My coworkers are very nerdy but I actually like it.

Started listening to spotify bc I wanted to try ncspot on my work computer. Found this guy Bonnema who just has like a million hard-as-fuck songs. Me n juhi trying to figure out what genre it is. Bass house + trap ? idk

Thank god for the bong.

I need to get off screen.

100720

I have been working for three days now. Most of my time has been spent setting up my computer and stressing about how long it is taking me to set up my computer. My co-workers are really nice though, funny to have nerdy ppl around to help me use stuff like nixos– since usually its just me alone banging my head on the keyboard. I wonder if they will buy me mouse/kbd/monitor if I ask.

I put the new keys on my little keyboard today. Some are too small and the fruits don't quite work. Oh well. I should probably just get a big keyboard anyway, since this one isn't even that portable.

I was feeling a little blue yesterday. Something about working all day and not really having many friends around. Weird since I'd been looking forward to alone time after spending 3 straight weeks w chris and juhi. Something about the change of pace making me question whether I really have close friends / really am loved. Not sure what to do ab it, maybe need to start keeping friendship logs so I remember to reach out to ppl. Also something slightly empty feeling, like something about the day-to-day little joys is missing. Maybe I just need more sleep.

I really like cooking again. Something about providing your own food (ok just the cooking but still) feels really good and whole. Foggy sf is nice too, just wish I could feel more wistful, less trapped. Maybe I need to listen to more music.

092820

No longer simping. I think I know more what I want from romance now. Hooray!

092420

I AM EMPLOYED. FOR MUCH MONEY. a great weight has been lifted. Thinking about all the things I could do with money:

Also we went to dinner and it was beautiful– Margot! They told the waiter it was my birthday but then he checked our IDs for alcohol and realized it was not my birthday. Then juhi made a joke about it on insta and ppl really thought it was my birthday smh. Also I can't stop talking to this girl Zullette. Weird. Simp energy so lame tho.

092320

Remembering the time Ola and I ditched our co-workers in Osaka to go run around the streets and drink beer w skaters who were very nice but spoke no english. I've really been talking to girls a lot. I think after one date I will not want to talk to random girls any more for a while. Hm.

Also remembering that Laurel Canyon doc and how convinced I was 3 days ago that we need to make ~real~ culture the way they did. But tbh only a few of them were that real– I really just want a community like that to be a part of. And I want an alternative to increasing levels of glitched-out aggressive nihilistic pc-music shit // apolitical feel-good indie shit. Bass music feels like its the middle ground. Wonder where I could push it if I was a proper laptop kid– or if I had an insane setup.


091420

LA is so ugly but very comfy and fun. Glad to be with friends. Stressed ab unemployedness as always. This mediterranean backyard pot-garden is really nice but it needs a trickle of water. So jealous that LA ppl just get to grow whatever fruit they want. I love my new tie-dye shirt. Chungeez.